Road Sins

So on the way to school today, I passed a white Hummer H2 (as I pass pretty much every vehicle I possibly can between the time I get on and the time I get off the highway). On the back windshield was one of those baseball decals ... the kind that you stick on and it looks like someone threw it at your windshield and it got lodged there.
I guess some people think that looks cool. I simply shook my head. The H2 is the commercialization of a military vehicle. It's supposed to be more of a manly truck ... it's supposed to demand some respect on the road, I guess. How the driver of that H2 decided that little detail would get anybody taking their presence on the highway seriously, is beyond me.

Alas, that is only one example of several that occur every day as I drive back and forth between my school and my hometown...the instances where I cringe and/or shake my head at the things people do. You really can tell a lot about people from their cars and the way they drive....like how ridiculous they are. Allow me to rant ...

• Those cars with the extra-loud exhausts ... I really can't believe people still modify their cars to make all that racket. I know I sound like a grandmother saying that, but for real...it's so 2001 (i.e. when The Fast and the Furious first came out). Get over yourselves, people ... the world doesn't need to be reminded of your existance, let alone that violently.
  

• Whyyyyy do people who have really nice, shiny, seemingly brand-new cars cover them in cliche and unattractive bumper stickers?? I don't understand this phenomenon. Your car is beautiful ... those ugly bumper stickers are often permanent. Do you really want everyone driving behind you to know that you're "100% angel" for the next ten years (or however long the car lasts)? T-shirts that say stuff like that don't even sell in WalMart anymore, why does your brand new mustang have to say it?

• Ohhhh, spinner rims. Where to begin?? If you have a really nice car, maybe it'll look good. I won't say spinners never look good. But um ... if you can hear the screams of death coming from under your hood over your unneccessarily jacked-up stereo system (that probably drains your poor little 15-year old battery so bad you need a jump-start 3 outta 5 times you go somewhere), you should not have spinner rims on your car. You. Look. Ridiculous. Take. Them. Off. They'll be spinning long, long, long after your car is fossilized somewhere in a scrap-metal yard.

• I really hate people who don't pass 35mph going up a straight on-ramp and take around a mile or two just to accelerate to, oh, say, three miles below the legal speed limit. What are you so scared of? You have your own lane to fit in on the highway. I theorize that these people are from New Jersey...they don't know how to merge down there, either.
  

• In the last month, I kid you not, this has happened to me at least 5 or 6 times: I'm behind somebody, their blinker is on, I wait .... I wait...I stay further behind them than I could be, anticipating their turn. But they never turn. That blinker stays on for miles. Last week, I was behind a Maxima whose blinker stayed on for my whole 30 minute drive along route 208. I don't know exactly how many miles that is...but if it's a 30 minute drive, most of which is at a 55mph speed limit, let's say that blinker was on a while. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much. I guess it's because if you don't realize that the blinker you put on 50 miles ago is still on, you're not paying much attention to anything...and I don't want you anywhere near my new car, thankyouverymuch.

• Wings. We drive cars, right? Why do they need wings? Small wings are alright...my car has one. It could do without it, but it looks cute. Whatever. What I don't understand is why, oh, WHY some people that drive pretty small cars install HUGE wings on the back. What are they trying to prove?! You drive a Celica not a 747! Unless you plan to offer round-trip tickets to Orlando nix the flight gear. Save yourself some gas.

• Last but certainly not least, I really, really, really hate those blueish-white headlights. I call them dickhead-lights. Say it with me now...dick-head-lights. You know why? Cause people who purposely put them on their cars are dicks. They don't make cars look any better, especially cause you use them at night when you can hardly even see the damn car to begin with. They aren't any brighter than a set of normal, well-functioning headlights. But they do blind the shit out of anybody unfortunate enough to pass someone who has them. And by blind, I mean blind the shit out of to the point where you still aren't sure you're seeing clearly a mile later. I heard somewhere that they might make these lights illegal. I really hope it happens ... not because I'm a party pooper. But if they were illegalized I'd hang out whenever I got the chance anywhere in town that they do vehicle inspections so I could see these adolescent, self-involved fucks cry when their car fails and the only way to fix it is to reinstall normal headlights.
  

And that, ladies and gentleman, is my explanation of what I like to call Road Sins.