Could we even think of selling these nowadays?

We Grew Up So Quickly ...

I went through adolescence perfectly in balance with the come-back of boy-bands and pop princesses. Smack dab in the middle of my teenage years, *NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, Britney and Christina were monopolizing the tops of the charts and drowning us in pin-ups and $3.99 posters. And we couldn't get enough of it. When adults tsk-tsk'd us, insisting we were wasting our time, that these flash-in-the-pans wouldn't be so glitter and glamour in just a few years, we were sure they were bitter about being so old, they didn't know what they were talking about. A couple of the New Kids on the Block had come back, and our favorites would too once their initial 15 minutes was up. We were just so sure.

Well ... what can I say? I guess I have to finally accept that I'm no longer a teenager and I was *gulp* wrong. BUT. I refuse to sound like one of those adults that tried to make me look stupid for buying BOP magazine religiously. So I will (very fairly) portray the befores and afters of the pop princesses I secretly wanted to be roomies with on the road during my own tour. (Tragically, my own musical career never took off. I forgot to start it.)

Jessica Simpson

Jess was initially that cheeky yet innocent southern girl who always went to church and, most famously, was saving her virginity for marriage. Much to the absolute joy of the pop world, that marriage came about (all too quickly, perhaps?) when she got with Nick Lachey of the 2nd rate boy band 98 Degrees.

Where is she now?

WELL. I don't think I need to write an article just about Jess and Nick's wildly ineffective reality MTV show (which probably played a main role in wrecking their marriage). With a recently finalized divorce behind her, fans can still find Jessica backing her unrecognizable sister as she flubs her lip synchs and physically morphs into Barbie. Jess is harder to find nowadays because her hair color keeps changing, along with her lips.

She's rumored to be dating soft-rocker John Mayer and trying to avoid her ex, Lachey, who seems to revel in flaunting his newly serious romance with beauty Vanessa Minillo. Jess is actually doing well in regards to her career. Her songs do well and her acting career is gaining some kind of momentum among people that like to look at her and tend to forget she's speaking. (see: "Dukes of Hazzard")

Christina Aguilera

If there was ever a late 90's popstar that earned her money, it was Christina. An early grammy winner for her first album, "Christina Aguilera" in 2000, she went through some phases along with her music, which summoned comparisons to the ever-evolving Madonna. After her first major wave of successes which arguably put her at the top of the pop-princess gene pool, Christina became more hispanic. Suddenly, her name was "Chree-stina Ah-gee-lera" and not long after, her single "Dirty" came out. Along with a spread in Maxim magazine. Millions of boys across the world went through puberty that month.

Where is she now?

Nowadays Christina is cleaned up and married, actually. So basically, she's an anomaly of the pop washout stereotype. She recently released a new album titled "Back to Basics", which is subtly appropriate, as is it her first major release and an implied attempt at convincing the fans she lost during her "Dirty" phase that she didn't lose any talent in that cold, cold water. (Or in the mud she was wrestling in for the video to the title track of that album). On the new album, she tries out contemporary lyrics with old-school styles of singing and so far has only generated hits - and fans. Myself included.

Britney Spears

Before I even begin, let us have a moment of silence in, well, non-honor of how we all made a big deal out of Britney's first video - how we actually thought she was somehow being risque by dancing around in half a schoolgirl uniform, inspiring a new genre of child porn. Alas, had we only known...

Britney Spears ... what can we say? I don't have the physical endurance to type out every phase Britney has been through since she debuted in the late 90's as the queen of TRL and the object of death threats for every girl that was convinced she would beat out Britney to marry Justin Timberlake of NSYNC. From my own viewpoint, I think I can safely say that each time Britney released a new album, she forgot one way to take care of herself. At first, it was sexy. The hair got messier - bedroom hair. The clothes became less - obviously a sexual revolution as the girl comes of age. But then people started noticing something - a disturbing trend that would come to haunt - absolutely haunt - the indifferent and the diehard fans alike: she started to really suck. I don't even mean that in a Paris Hilton way, I mean her music started to really take a turn. Instead of generating hit after hit, she came out with a bunch of hits and misses.

Then she got married. For like, a day. That's when people started to realize she wasn't ... quite ... all there. Maybe that breakup with Justin was more harsh than we thought? Oh god, but then she got married AGAIN. And she turned into this:

And if you still believed that once her marriage to the always-classy rapper wannabe Kevin Federline calmed down (and the baby was born healthy, thank God), she would clean up. Um, yeah. There was another baby. And a breakup. And within the last week, after repeated begs and interventions from ex boyfriend Justin Timberlake, as well as family and estranged husband Kevin aka K-fed, three different stints in rehab. Oh, yeah, and she shaved her head.
Somehow I don't think she's trying out for a role in a film about nazis.

Instead of being like everyone else and comparing her to ET or Verne Troyer, I'll just say that I hope for three things: I hope her hair grows quickly, I hope she gets better in rehab, and I hope someone with a good PR person befriends her - soon. (Christina, you busy next Thursday?)

yay and nay!

I'm back! Oh yes, I know, I know you missed me ... I beg your forgiveness, but in the last few months I managed to survive the holidays, preparing for another insane semester and moving out for the first time. But I would never abandon you guys ;)

I've missed opportunities to comment on some things as they've happened in the past few months, I know. Well, in my local newspaper every week in the sports section there's a column titled "cheers and jeers" that comments on figures in the sports world who have done or said good and bad things. Well, here's the beginning of my version, "yay and nay".

Did you think I would come back after all this time and not organize my rants? Psssh. So without further ado ...

YAY ~ To the Indianapolis Colts for winning the Superbowl this year. Normally I'm a diehard NY Giants fan, but the Colts made themselves my second favorite this season because they're such good athletes and their games are always exciting. Honorable mention: the Chicago Bears, because they lost but they lost with grace. They put up an excellent fight in an era of unremarkable superbowl games. Also, the coaches - Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith - class acts, totally. The first thing Dungy did when his team won was give his long-time friend, Lovie, a hug. Like it wasn't enough that they were the first two black coaches to ever go to the superbowl. I applaud you both, and your teams.

NAY ~ To Brandon Boyd, otherwise known as the lead singer for Incubus. I have no idea how many songs or albums they have released because they all sound the same. Sometimes it's a good thing to have a unique voice. But, um, change the songs up a bit, eh? The other morning on my ride up to school I thought I was singing along to "Stellar" and turns out it was a completely different song. That was when I realized I no longer like Incubus.

YAY ~ To a lady named Heather Dune Mcadam, who came to speak for my journalism class about a week ago. She is in the process of being considered for a teaching job in the journalism department and as part of her talk with us, she had us complete a small assignment: a rant. She told us that one of the ways to get your brain working on ideas for a good investigative reporting story is to find something to rant about. Thank you, Ms. Mcadam, for affirming that ranting is indeed a legitimate form of journalism :P

NAY ~ To the cops in my town who are known less for being productive than for using their sirens/lights to run red lights in busy intersections. A few weeks ago I witnessed a very near miss of an accident in the middle of such an intersection caused by a police car's sudden rush through the red light when his lights were not previously on. When I passed the car that was almost demolished by an SUV, I saw an elderly lady in the driver's seat, her hands clutching the wheel looking pretty startled. I don't think I need to comment further on why that gets a NAY.

NAY ~ To people I like to call "Ipod Whiners". When the previously mentioned Ms. Mcadam came and ushered my journalism class to rant, the best thing one boy could come up with was that the wires on his Ipod froze on his way to class and it made the buds fall out of his ears. That got me thinking, mostly about how the majority of people I see glued to Ipods annoy the hell out of me. Especially on my campus they walk around with their noses in the air or looking down, oblivious to life, trying to find just the right song to be their theme music as they walk from building to building. There is SO MUCH MORE to life than hearing songs you've obviously listened to enough to want to download onto that thing. And Ipod Whiners - you're becoming extinct. So many people have been involved in accidents in NYC because they pay more attention to the shuffle order on their Ipod than where they're walking that I've heard rumors of a law against them while travelling in busy areas. And as for those in my hometown who are so attached to their Ipods - a general rule. If your parents are on welfare or use food stamps, you should not be getting designer Ipod cases for your birthday.

NAY ~ To Windows Vista. I'm a Windows fan, I won't lie. XP is absolutely satisfactory for my personal home computer needs. I won't, however, deny that there are some errors that can and should have been worked on. ie. the dreaded blue screen! Why can't Microsoft impress us for once and fix what already mostly works instead of coming out with a new version that will inevitably contain more problems to screw our computers up? I refuse to convert, Bill Gates, I refuse!!!

NAY ~ To whoever invented a thing called a Fathead. If you're not already aware, a Fathead is a life-sized cut-out poster made out of wallpaper of a sports figure. My boyfriend was given one for Christmas. We just moved into our first house together. There is now a seven-foot Tim Duncan - with the 'fro - on our living room wall. Since I technically took over most of the top floor of the house, we agreed that the living room would be his space - where his computer, video games, etc. are. So I can't really win any fights about good 'ol Timmy, I do get startled when I turn around and see him looking like he's about to slam dunk me into the ground. What ever happened to $3.99 posters from Wal-Mart?

NAY ~ To SUNY New Paltz parking enforcement. This is on behalf of my friend, Chris, who has gotten several tickets for parking in commuter lots without a parking pass - which costs $65 a year, by the way. It seems like they didn't let him get away with ONE day of parking without that pass, even when he had to take a different car up at the last minute because his normal one broke down. In the old hippie town of New Paltz, as soon as the sun sets as you walk through campus the smell of cigarettes die down and you can tell from smell alone that those standing outside smoking are indeed smoking joints. I just love the irony of that being allowed, yet if we rebel against the incredulous amounts charged for a parking pass, we're ticketed in amounts nearly doubling that.

YAY ~ To the Grammys, for actually putting on a show this year. I noticed less talking and more focus on the awards people bother watching to see in the first place, and more performances. Not that I'm against people who win those "other" awards, but if you're going to put something on TV it needs to be interesting.

NAY ~ To the recent outburst of criticism for the American Idol judges. I won't lie - I'm an AI fan. And I support the judges. Sometimes they laugh at people, and it seems cruel ... but if you try to see it from their shoes you might understand a little more. Some of those auditioners HAVE to be staging themselves ... it's obvious. They don't go from relatively normal in the background when someone else is being interviewed to absolutely retarded when the camera happens to be on them. And the treatment the judges give them is nothing in comparison to what they'll get from record execs. I have nothing to do with the music industry and even I know that. In the past few years AI has gone from frivolous reality show to legitimate career-starter - two of the past winners have won Grammys!! The judges need to act accordingly and prepare these kids for the careers they're trying to get themselves into. Anything less would be the real cruel thing.

NAY ~ To Howard K. Stern, the late Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer and partner and alleged father to her five-month-old baby. He's stood by idly and silent as both Daniel and Anna Nicole Smith have perished. How can he think people don't notice the remarkable difference between the image he portrays of himself and the image that's portrayed of the two deceased because of the causes of death that are being pointed to - namely drug use. Does anyone really think he had nothing to do with that? And in the wake of Anna Nicole's death, he has not issued any major press released that I am aware of - seems like cat's got his tongue, I guess. I can't imagine money would have anything to do with this - since he represented her when she battled for ex-husband's billion-dollar fortune. This guy seriously must have the worst PR I can even think of.

NAY ~ To Tim Hardaway, a 13 year veteran of the NBA. In the wake of the story breaking that one of his old NBA alumnis has come out of the closet, an interviewer for a radio station asked Hardaway how he felt about it. He went on to banter (poor grammar, and all) about how he is admittedly and proudly homophobic, how he hates gays and would never want to be on the same team as a gay and that he thinks it's wrong and wants nothing to do with gay people. He was subsequently dropped from any league-related events, which I believe should only be the beginning of the outlash he deserves on any career he might have left over.

YAY ~ To an article I stumbled on while reading some news headlines on Yahoo!, which exclaims that this week is something called Random Acts of Kindness Week. Sounds pretty artificial and Hallmarky to me, but I like it anyway. In fact, I like it so much I've decided that for one week I'm going to pledge to myself to do at least one random kind thing a day. (C'mon, who hasn't seen the movie Pay It Forward and didn't cry?!)

That's it for now. But oh, I will be back. I AM back. So hang tight, cause once I round Diguba back up from the depths of writer's block hell we will have this blog hoppin' again.